Loss from Alicia's blog

For those of you who know what it's like to lose someone dear to you, you know the torment that it brings. Even if that someone is seemingly unimportant to someone else, it's still a painful loss that can be difficult to fight through. Recently, I lost my parakeet who was a beloved friend and also my familiar. His name is Angel.

I say "is" because I know that he is still with me. He still follows me and guides me. While his body is no longer living, his soul continues to linger at my side, sitting on my shoulder, nibbling on my hair or my earlobe, and making his little parakeet noises. I've had the pleasure not if finding him, but of him finding me.

About seven or eight years ago, my mother and I had gone to a pet store because I had wanted a new pet. My cat had died, and I wanted something that could fill the void that made its home in my heart. It was then, as I was looking at the parakeet cage, I saw him. He was so cute and playful and it made me smile. Then, suddenly, something echoed in my head. "Hi! Hello! I'm Angel!" I wondered what it was for a moment until I found myself getting lost in the sensation, and it was then I knew where it was coming from. That same little baby budgey with feathers that reminded one of the sky had been speaking to me. I knew he was the one for me. And so we bought him as well as his cage.

It's odd to think now that I bought him. I would rather say that I adopted him, but he came from a pet store, not a shelter. And ever since then he's been my close friend. He was so smart and cute and funny. He loved to dance to music, he loved the little bell toy we got him, and he was one of the brightest lights of my life. Then, about a year and a half ago, he stopped taking care of himself.

His favorite thing to eat was millet, and unfortunately that isn't the most nutritious thing for a bird to eat. It was pretty much the equivalent of eating sweets all the time, something he and I had in common. And because of this high millet diet and because he suddenly stopped maintaining himself, his beak and his nails grew very long very quickly. There had to be almost monthly visits to the vet to get his beak trimmed. We but him on vitamins powder to try and get some nutrients in his system so his beak didn't grow as fast. But, in the end it wasn't enough...

On Tuesday, October 24th, I found him at the bottom of his cage WOTH his head tucked into a corner. He had died in his sleep. I was mortified and completely lost in anger and tears. I was so full of denial that I questioned that maybe this was all just a bad dream. "This isn't happening," I told myself. "It has to be a lie!" But it wasn't a lie. It happened, and for the next three days all of my joy and sincerity was lost.

I had trouble deciding what to do. Should I cremate him? Should I bury him? I didn't like the idea of a burial. I felt he was too good for that. The idea of his body decomposing under a pile of dirt didn't sit well with me. Not to mention I have intentions of moving, and I didn't want to leave him behind. I considered cremation, and for a time that was my decision for him, but as I would sit and think about it something inside me told me that that wouldn't do for him either. Something told me that he deserved something better. Something that wouldn't necessarily destroy his body. I thought of methods of preservation. I went to a store that I had been to once. The people there are amazing, and after some discussion we finally decided on how to handle his body. Now, he will always have a vessel to come back to when he needs one. He will be back in 2 weeks.

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By Alicia
Added Oct 27 '17


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